If You Can’t Take Care of Your Child, Please… don’t have one.

There isn’t much in life we don’t second guess. Regret is a huge part of human nature. There are many things that I’ve done that haunts me everyday, but getting pregnant is not one of them. I’m not gonna lie, at first it was. I regretted the growing baby in my stomach until I heard his heartbeat on the sonogram. Then I regret that I once thought he was a regret.

And I think that is what separates me from many other teen mothers. I know too many babies who were born out of wedlock to a 17 year old girl who dumped him at her mom’s and doesn’t do much to raise him. This absolutely disgusts me! I was 17 when I got pregnant, and 18 when I had my beautiful boy.. And I’ve never looked at him and thought, “well because of you I cant do anything, nothing that I want to do, because I haven’t grown up enough to maturely love my child.” Having a child is not like having a pet that you feed and play with for a minute then just leave alone the rest of the day. They are not a novelty- they need constant nurturing and love, so they can learn and become independent one day.

Not every teen mom is like that. I know of 4 right now and we are all wonderful mothers to our sons or daughters. But God it makes me so mad that some new mothers or fathers just shove this life to the side because they would rather do something else.. It just infuriates me. Today David and I were just watching our son lay on the carpet learning how to army crawl.. we were so proud. I turned to him and said, “Who in the world could just not want to spend time with their child, who would just not want to raise them and love them.” And he said, “Someone who is crazy, or just completely immature. But if someone was that immature, maybe it’s a good thing that they don’t raise their kid, so maybe they’d have a better shot at growing up right.” He is right, so if you can’t take care of your child, please be responsible and make sure they have a good family… Don’t say you’re going to raise them and just leave them with your parents, feed them a few times and then run off with your friends every night. Children need real love, not immature love.

Sorry for the anger of this post, I’m just sick of seeing kids in the supermarket that are dirty, sunburnt, with a soaked diaper and no shoes on.. you can tell their parent thinks they are just a hassle by the look on their face. It’s despicable. And those kids are learning by example. You are just so upset to know that its not their fault, and all they know about how to live his their unfit parent. I’m gonna make it my mission to help children like this and give them a good example.

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6 Responses to “If You Can’t Take Care of Your Child, Please… don’t have one.”

  1. Mona says:

    I couldn’t agree more. Sadly, it’s not just teen moms. Some adult women put themselves before their children. Women who have their hair and nails just so while their kids are running around eating oreos with pop.
    Sierra, I admire you. Not just taking responsibilites for your actions but your whole outlook on life… and your deep love for your baby.
    Mona : )

  2. Mona says:

    Hi I’m back!
    I have an award I’d like to pass along to you. Please stop by and pick it up here:
    http://moremilestones.blogspot.com/2010/07/can-i-get-woot-woot.html

    Have a great week!
    Mona : )

  3. DrMomma says:

    Kudos again to you for speaking up on behalf of the little humans who entirely depend on us for their every need. It is so true that no baby asks to be brought into this world – and they do not know the time or place or location that they are born into. All they know is that they *need* their mother. They need her love, her comfort, her touch, her holding, her voice, her soothing, her milk, her body’s regulation through the day. Without her, life is just not right. There are many, many reasons that a mother’s love really, truly matters! http://astore.amazon.com/peacefparent-20/detail/1583918175

    It is sad this year (2010) to see the rates of infant abuse sky rocket as people are out of work and the weather this summer peaks. Our abuse counselors (at DrMomma.org) have seen more infant abuse than ever before in their 20 years of work. There are SO many who would benefit from taking head to your words – if you do not wish to *mother* a child — to really invest in this human life — then do not bring one into the world in the first place.

    Of course contraception choices and availability (as well as research based education in sexuality) brings me to another topic… so I will stop there.

    Thank you for writing on this subject!

  4. Natalie says:

    i love that. and it is so true. its NOT just teen moms. i have a friend who had her son when she was 28. she didnt work, barely took care of herself, did drugs, partied. WHILE she was pregnant. I was like “are you SURE you want to have a kid?” Well, she had him, and while yes, I love the kid to death, he grows up in an environment that is SO unhealthy. His mother still, does not work, lives w/ her son in a tiny room in her moms house, (who is also a hoarder) takes her son out to friends houses until super late at night when he should be home sleeping. Her mom is constanly screaming at him and her 24/7 about anything and everything. Just a very very negative environment. I understand some people need help from the government, which she gets, but its like all she does is complain about how much she hates her mom and wants to move out, yet she refuses to get a job and put her son in daycare to do so. She is totally against adoption, she just thinks having a baby is a “cute thing to do”. She tells me to have a baby all the time. I am 31 yrs old and no where CLOSE to wanting a child. I tell her, “I dont have a house or the funds to raise a child” and she tells me “Oh, dont worry, you can live at your parents and they can help you and you can live off the government like me” Um, no thanks I think I will wait until I am married w/ a steady income and a husband so my child can grow up in a stable home, not one w/ constant screaming and negativity. I know she loves her son, but there are times (almost EVERY time) we go somewhere, we need to leave because she has no change of clothes or diapers for the kid. So I have started bringing both when we go places. Why should I do that, he’s not MY kid, its not MY responsibilty, but why should the poor kid sit in a dirty diaper or dirty clothes cuz his mom’s an idiot? I love her to death, she IS my best friend, I just wish she would take off the rose coloured glasses and realize that taking care of a kid is not just “giving into him 24/7 when he wants something” (which I also think is a BIIIIGGGGG no no) But trying to better YOURSELF for BOTH your futures……

  5. Jenny says:

    Hi Id just like to say well done on taking the time to bring up your child well. He will obviously benefit greatly in life from your love and care. Dont worry too much about society’s expectations-people have something to say about everything.
    One thing though-pets are not a novelty either. Children are a bigger scale but pets should not be left alone for most of the day either.
    Please keep that in mind if you do in fact have any pets or before you decide to get one.
    Take care

  6. deani says:

    hi..i love your blog and totally agree. i was a teen mom. had 2 sons by the age of 19 but i was married. i went to school, worked and took care of my sons. now im 42 and they are grown. even now i see women or girls that have lil babies or young kids that are filthy or unkept,while the mother has an obvious manicure and pedicure and her hair very styled up…kids come first..i have come across some teens that have babies that are very mature and do put their babies first…you should be very proud that you put him first…take care and many blessings to you..

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